I am waiting for my strength to find its way home. I don’t know if it will take weeks, months or years but I will patiently wait. A part of me knows that my destiny is not to take my own life. It’s no one’s destiny yet nearly 800 000 individuals take their own lives every year and no one talk about it.
I think about suicide every time life gets too difficult. I once tried to take my own life by swallowing a box of sleeping pills, I was only 16. I don’t really know if I could have died from it but I will always remember this feeling of despair I had.
When your brain is turning into your enemy, life gets very dark. You’re always fighting against the bright side and the dark side but when choosing the bright side turns into deception and disillusion, life gets even more darker and getting out of bed every morning becomes impossible.
I am praying for those who feel the same way as I pray for myself to get better but I am starting to think that life maybe isn’t for everyone. As flowers, everyone fades. Some will take more time to fade because they have good conditions and some may fade quicker due to bad conditions.
Before I completely fade away, I am waiting for my strength to find its way home so forgive my absence and lack of caring.